You have to know that, to Waking The Cadaver, there are two main eras: The goddamn terrible and downright boring era of Waking The Cadaver, which ranges from their 2006 Demo...
Where they, for some reason, put two band logos. Notice the way they seem to have crossed one of them out with horizontal lines over the words, and the other one with lines from every direction, like as though they're saying "There! Wait... no. Let's do it again. There we go... nah! It's crap. We'll try again somewhere over ... dammit! We have no more space left!"....and Perverse Recollections Of A Necromangler,
Where they got the logo right the first time....and the simply boring era, which, so far, ranges from Beyond Cops. Beyond God. to... uh... Beyond Cops. Beyond God.
While the young Waking The Cadaver were mainly about masturbating to the lyric sheet (and stating how much they like shredded wheat), pig-squealing and clumsily blasting from breakdown, to breakdown, to slam, to breakdown of a breakdown to breakdown, and boring the hell out of people, the more grown up Waking The Cadaver is mainly about being a dickhead and killing people without degrading women in the process, including actual (read: stock) riffs, not unintelligible vocals and a new "L00k 4t mee!!1 were playing tr00 metull now!!!!LOLZROFL!No srsly!11" attitude... and boring the hell out of people.
I'm here to talk about the more grown up Waking The Cadaver. More specifically, about the new album's cover (by the way, the album will be out in August 10th this year, if you want to get it).
So, behold: Beyond Cops. Beyond God.
As we see here, apparently the greenish-yellowish-grey-skinned killer from the debut album got himself a bluish-grey-skinned girlfriend, and now they're going by bike on a straight road, while innocent bystanders are shot in the eye by randomly materializing bullets, with a turret mounted to the motorcycle that uses up nine rounds to shoot just one bullet. Why do I say this? Notice that the bike is not at all tilted and that the wheels are aligned, which means the couple is going straight ahead, which means those bullets could not have been shot by the (really inefficient) turret.
Also, why is Mask Guy's girlfriend shooting at nothing?
And it's just two fucking people! Do the authorities really need missiles (and the death of around 283 innocent bystanders) to kill two people on a motorcycle? Specially if the helicopter that is chasing said two people is mounted with a FUCKING LASER (which does not happen in real life, by the way)?! And another thing, shouldn't blindness be a no-no if you are plannning to operate a rocket launcher? The police is hitting buildings that are 100 meters away!
The most logical explanation I can think of is that Mask Guy is actually a Jedi, and possesses the powers of the Force. That also explains how he manages to safely state that the authorities will never catch him in the song "Connoiseurs Of Death". He uses Jedi mind tricks! I mean, just look at the lyrics!
"My thoughts control me.
i can't hold back any longer,
i must commit these acts,
my fantasies compel me,
watching,
stalking,
waiting,
planning this perfect crime.
i have studied your surroundings for months now.
i know exactly when to make my move, and exactly how i'm going to make my move.
a perfect murder to me is all about strategy,
so unaware as i stalk flawlessly,
repeatedly in my dreams i have pulled this job.
in front of the mirror as you prepare for sleep,
this is when i sneak behind and put the barrel of the shotgun to your head,
i like it when you see my face.
a blow to the skull, i make sure your still alive.
i only kill quick when necessary, but this is a score i must settle.
now is when my fantasies come, so i reach for my blade
inflicting this mutilation, slashing your face, stomping your body,
i love to see you in such pain, for this pain is my extasy.
suck the barrel, and look at me in the eye,
do you think i really give a fuck about what i'm going to do?
decapitated by 12 gauge slugs, i can't even recognize half your body anymore.
your family will probably tell the authorities i'm a suspect,
so i eliminated them before i eliminated you,
dragging you to the basement, i place you with the rest,
nude, in perverted positions with your loved ones.
fiendishly i masturbate to the scene i have created,
the investigators are going to be shocked.
my payoff, my crime gets televised,
overwhelmed with laughter as i realize,
they'll never catch me."
Not only he uses just one capital letter in his entire poem, the sentence "A perfect murder to me is all about strategy, so unaware as i stalk flawlessly, repeatedly in my dreams I have pulled this job." Makes about as much sense as Miss South Carolina,...
..."your" in "your still alive" is spelt "you're", "extasy" is spelt with a "c", not an "x", and the head of a person does not equal half a person, no matter how big your head is, wouldn't the victimized family's friends tell the authorities that Mask Guy is probably a suspect? Also, if he fiendishly masturbated to the scene he had created, wouldn't his semen be tested for DNA?
Maybe he is in hot pursuit because he's the main suspect everywhere like such as, and...
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