Back To The ROFL: George Bellas: The Path To Decency (AKA Saturn Is Coming)

I wouldn't usually pick on some super talented neoclassical progressive metal playing guitarist who opened a music school and shit like that while still in his teens who no one has ever heard of, but I just had to share this, and his covers are simply inspirational (not in a good way).

So, like I said, George Bellas is a guitarist. He started playing guitar when he was 7. Also, he is very pretentious. And his mentality stopped developing when he started playing guitar. He also likes space and cheesy sci-fi.

This image actually appears on Encyclopaedia Metallum.

For that reason, he gave his albums names which made him sound superior and intelligent, like Turn Of The Millenium, Mind Over Matter, Planetary Alignment or Venomous Fingers and Step Into The Future. Also, the names will make you think he gets weggies from his students, and they make him sound very silly.

The covers don't do much to help either.

Turn Of The Millenium was released in 1997, and, according to Bellas, this is what should have happened then:

Apparently, there was going to be a guitar penetrating a gate in space, while a clock came from behind, and a broken LCD screen would be watching the fun not far away. The symbol representing infinity would also materialize, as well as Einstein's famous formula that states that the energy of a body is equal to its molar mass multiplied by its capacitance times two (If the guy wants to look pretentious, at least he should do some research...).

The thing that worries me, though, is that we're already in 2010 and Saturn still hasn't collided with the Earth... Could 12/21/2012 be the big day that happens? Could he be trying to tell us something? I mean, the cover for Venomous Fingers seems to be warning us of some demented apocalypse taken right from the most insane nightmares...

Look at it! If this is not a prophecy, then the guy was smoking pot at the time. You know those drawings you made when you were 5, where you basically included pretty much everything you liked and the drawing ended up making no sense? Well, this is that drawing, were it made by fuckin' five-year-old Satan... On Photoshop.

We have a full house here! We have flying guitars and violin,

A sardine with legs plunging towards a sea of blueberry jam,

A clock materialized out of fucking nowhere,

And, in the middle of it all, a giant hand and an electrified marble.

Oh! And Saturn spookily looms on the top left corner of the cover, ready to kill the fuck out of us all...

And the album is simply called Venomous Fingers? I mean, Goliath is about to be electrocuted by a marble with a guitar in it, there are fish and guitars torpedoing themselves towards the surface, a clock is just floating there, telling us our time has come, and FUCKING SATURN is about to collide with the Earth, and all you could come up with for a name was Venomous Fingers?!

I'm not surprised, though, since he apparently removed his brain and put it in a jar for safe keeping. It resembled an egg more than a brain anyway...