Thrash Getting Thrashed Years

If you lived in the 90s, you might remember some things about it. The Downward Spiral, the downward spiral of NIИ, the downward spiral of clothing, the rise and subsequent downward spiral of grunge, the beginning of the downward spiral of the alternative scene, the rise of nu-metal and the downward spiral of thrash, which only fully recovered by 2004-2005.

During these years, thrash metal bands opted to significantly reduce the quality of their music for a more accessible sound, and the quality of their covers as well, to fit the standards set by the likes of Korn and Nirvana,

You can see these weren't very high.

And LOOK more controversial than you actually aren't, which is kinda stupid for thrash metal bands, which are, in theirselves, kinda controversial.

This gave way to some really crappy covers.

Let's start with the piss-poor cover for Load, by Metallica.


Wait a minute, that's not right! This is not piss-poor. THIS is piss-poor.


Load is jizz-poor. Toilet humour aside, I'm dead serious. The covers are, respectively, photos of bloody jizz and bloody piss. Some more toilet humour aside, I mean that these are photos of bloody semen and bloody urine, respectively.

According to Nirvana standards, it seems that, while showing a three month-old's penis is acceptable, mentioning the name of what comes out fo it is already way too controversial, and might cost a couple dozen fans, so, instead of Metallica being stuck with albums called Jizz and Piss, they are stuck with albums Load and Reload, with pictures of jizz and piss. It's up to you to decide which is more embarrasing. It's a relief, though, that we had a happy ending to that story in 2008.

In 6th June 2003, Metallica wake up with a hangover wondering what the hell happened.

For thirteen years.

And this didn't happen just to Metallica. For example, can you make ANY sense of what Anthrax were trying to say, or what kittens they were huffing?


The album is Stomp 442, and apparently they chose the name of the album and its cover at random., since the first thing that comes to mind when you see this cover is "Metal balls don't go stomp! And naked guys holding a stick don't go stomp either!"

This hitting-a-bong logic also applies to Destruction's The Least Successful Human Cannonball.

Having a cannonball through your head doesn't make you a human cannonball.
Or a human, since humans are known to think over their actions first.

Kreator, on the other hand, decided to go the faggoth route.

We wrote our name twice, just in case you didn't get it the first time.

Have you noticed something, though?

Let's take a look at the band logos.

Have you noticed that, on those albums, the logos are different and more simple, like they're ashamed of their music? Like they weren't the real band anymore? Oh yeah. They were being posers. And they knew it.