The 20 Funniest AxCx Song Titles

Greetings. Now that I've reached the 25th post with a glorious bang of nothing, you know what will happen next: The blog will fall into a steady decline in terms of funniness (it probably already has, but you'll be able to see that I will stop even trying to be funny), the number of frequent readers will fall from zero to minus forty-eight and a half, it'll be forever forgotten and I'll end up dying in a trashcan somewhere with an overdose of antidepressants.

Unless I write something mildly shocking. Not so shocking as to get people to make Facebook groups called "Endrey Is A Fucking Idiot Who Should Have Been Killed By Sex Offenders For That Super Controversial Thing He Said Once", but shocking enough to get the old ladies who happen to stumble upon my blog to fall off their chairs and spill Lapsang Souchong all over the carpet. Something like writing a post about AxCx, also known as Anal Cunt.

"Good to see you again. I see you haven't bothered to wipe the mud off your face from that last post."

Most senile citizens reading this have by now become shocked and are making a rant about how, back in their day, such disgraceful words as the "a" and the "c" word weren't even written in diaries, on account that someone might want to take a peek. If the band name hasn't set them off, then the next sentence will:

Citing Anal Cunt, "You're Old (Fuck You)"

...Which brings us nicely to the topic of today's entry. After all, the above track title is not the only one with a ridiculous name in the Anal Cunt catalog, which goes beyond 6000 songs (although only a few hundred actually have names). Please note that this post is not written with the intention of making fun of Anal Cunt...

They've covered that duty pretty well.

...But to celebrate their accomplishment in a career of intentional self-parody and hurtful comments towards everyone. I have rounded up the 20 titles I consider the funniest. Why have I done this instead of finding an album cover to make fun of? I'm feeling lazy, and this way I don't really have to invent any jokes, since they're all there.

#20- Music Sucks

This bold statement pretty much sets the mood for all the song titles to come, or should I say... BALD statement?

#19- Bald To The Bone

This is, by far, the most baldass name to come from the baldfest that is Howard Is Bald. Arise, Jordan Rudess! Arise David Draiman! Arise, Jens Kidman! Arise, Britney Spears, and rejoice in the name of baldness! Welcome to Baldbylon!

As you can see, A.C. brings bald people together in pretty much the same way that music brings together... uhh... music fans. This band is apparently out there to stop such bullshit once and for all (the music fans, bald people are too awesome to stop). The first thing they do is reduce their fanbase to only homosexual people.

#18- All Our Fans Are Gay

After that, they eliminate all the hipsters within the fanbase by every means possible.

#17- Everyone In Anal Cunt Is Dumb

#16- Being Ignorant Is Awesome

#15- When I Think Of Punk Bands, I Think Of Nirvana And The Melvins

...And here's the finisher for that bunch:

#14- MTV Is My Source For New Music

"Critical hit! It's super-effective!"

Now that that's taken care of (mostly), they look at other possibilities and invite new, more naive people to the clutches of Anal Cunt, such as prog fans and kvlt people.

#13- Song Titles Are Fucking Stupid

Many a prog fan will agree with that statement.

#12- Abomination Of Unnecessarily Augmented Composition Monikers

But said progheads were left drooling with the above song title, just like kvlt crowd was with the below one.

#11- Brutally Morbid Axe Of Satan

Now that they have an audience to piss off, time to take it out group by group. First go the people in bands,...

#10- No, We Don't Want To Do A Split 7 Inch With Your Stupid Fucking Band

...Then the trve kvlt black-metalheads (THERE'S A HYPHEN THERE),...

#9- "I'm Not Allowed To Like A.C. Anymore Since They Signed To Earache"

#8- Living Colour Is My Favourite Black Metal Band

... and, finally, everyone that's left. After all, the only remaining people who actually care are a bunch of nerds who live in their mom's basement.

#7- Your Best Friend Is You

Anyone who persists is crazy and weird. With the next salvo of hatred towards everyone, there will be nobody left, and that means NOBODY. First, a direct insult at you that you yourself can do! :D It's like Mad Libs, only instead of filling it out with (NOUN), (VERB) and (PERSON IN ROOM), you fill it with (INSULT).

#6- You (Fill In The Blank)

#5- I Sold Your Dog To A Chinese Restaurant

#4- I Lit Your Baby On Fire

#3- I Sent A Thank You Card To The Guy Who Raped You

Oh! And remember that there were still the non-hipster homosexuals left over from earlier? Well, not anymore!

#2- I Sent Concentration Camp Footage To "America's Funniest Home Videos"

What comes to anyone still not convinced into hating AxCx, maybe the "eww" factor will work.

#1- Our Band Is Wicked Sick (We Have The Flu)

Well, there you have it. The elderly citizens reading this are now probably having their pacemaker replaced while also having a major operation on all those clogged arteries that burst from so much furious ranting. Meanwhile, I want to say thanks to André Ribeiro (AKA Andy Kancer) for not being ashamed of admitting that he supports my blog. It makes me feel very honored to know that somebody appreciates the fine art of causing near to physical pain through the utter boredom and dullness of failed attempts at comedy.