I'm All For Acronyms, But...

...There are words that are better off without them, and "sin" just happens to NOT be one of said words. You can invent a shitload of great acronyms for it, and if you can't, the Internet is there to help you out in your time of need. Seriously! It's one of the words that offers the most flexibility in terms of possible acronyms that make sense (Summoning Involuntary Nosebleeds, for example, or Some Inbred Nationalists)! I just thought up two terrible acronyms on the spot right there! It's impossible that the German band Somewhere Into Nowhere (S.I.N.) couldn't have thought of a better band name than the one they have. After all, they've been together since 2002, and surely they wouldn't have had to come up with a name on the spot...

Does it even make any sense? We have two antonyms: "Somewhere" and "Nowhere", linked by a preposition, and of all prepositions they could have chosen from, they have chosen the one that will make the least amount of sense possible between the aforementioned antonyms. I mean, you could have used "on" and have made S.O.N., or "underneath" and have made SUN. Actually, having somewhere underneath nowhere doesn't make much sense, nor does somewhere on nowhere, but even those two would have made much more sense than having somewhere INTO nowhere... Come on! What the fuck is that supposed to mean?! Is that like a road that leads from an ambiguous place to an ambiguous... non-place?


But, then again, we have the "Into" in the middle, ruining everything! Unless!... (sic) It's a tunnel that leads from the ambiguous place directly into the core of the ambiguous non-place!

Well, according to the cover of their self-titled debut album, Somewhere Into Nowhere, the statement basically translates to "We were high out of our minds when we came up with the name. And the cover."

Now, you have to realize that within the world of Melodic Metal (encompassing Traditional Heavy Metal, Goth Metal, Progressive Metal, Power Metal, Symphonic Metal, Neo-Classical Metal and their Melodic variations), album covers are very vulnerable to cheese, and absolute cheesefests are not rare. The following album cover is actually pretty easy on cheesiness in comparison, but still holds pretty strong on the Cheese-O-Meter: A definite 6.5.

"SONic The Boy In Pyjamas"

The whole thing simply reeks of photoshop, giving it an immediate 1.5 points. There's also the baffled little boy being attacked by luminescent jellyfish tentacles (as far as I know, even Japan looks down upon tentacle foreplay to pedophilia), who doesn't even seem to give a shit about the fact that he's suddenly in space in a fucking Sonic The Hedgehog course, with rings that are too similar to equilateral triangles to actually be called rings. Another 2.5 points. Also, if he's in outer space, why the fuck is there a grid over the entire starshowered horizon? 1 point for not making sense. And, as far as I know, were there a nebula shaped like a face, it would have been too retarded a discovery to have been made in this universe, or it would have been so fucking scary a discovery that everyone would have commited suicide. 1 more point. And, of course, you have the mandatory planet or two, giving a bonus 0.5 points.

Well, I must say that we CAN for a moment assume that the kid is actually supposed to be running toward the face, and the triangle-shaped rings are actually arrows, to show where he shold be going. Which brings us back to the title, Somewhere Into Nowhere:

He is running from somewhere INTO someone's forehead... hmm... Is the band saying that the guy's head is filled with nowhere? Like in: empty?

This means that, with this cover, they are probably in fact implying that their fans are dumbasses. Come on, guys! This is your fucking debut album! Prior to it, you have only released one single demo! Surely it's WAAAY too early to start giving your fans the finger.